Mental illness & Lyme (part 1)

Today I will attempt to give you a brief overview of my mental illnesses. I don’t share with the intent of receiving your pity, I share simply because I seek to be more understood.

And I want to add that all of these illnesses are real in my case, but they are all hugely affected by the Lyme in my brain....which is why I am sharing about them this month.

**TRIGGER WARNING**
Since this is about mental illness I’ll include that warning.





Depression is something I’ve struggled with for years before my Lyme diagnosis. Although it is it’s own illness, I know that when I’m physically doing worse, because of my other issues, I struggle more with mental pain.  So many doctors have told me that this is my “only” problem, or that all my problems are “just” in my head.
First, hypothetically speaking, even if it was “just” in my head that doesn’t make it any less real. If the brain sends out pain messages to your body, YOUR PAIN IS REAL!!
Second, I have been diagnosed with Lyme through multiple tests...so they need to get their facts straight.

Abuse from doctors (and other medical staff), is a huge contributing factor in my PTSD (I’ll talk about being in the hospital tomorrow).  But I also struggle with PTSD due to being chronically ill.  I am at war with my body every single day. The nightmares I have almost every night are also related to this. Additionally, I also struggle with a severe phobia of bugs....because a bug made me this sick.

I know that it’s not “cool” to talk about porn. Because PORN IS NOT COOL! However my past struggle with that has led to a very skewed body image, which I think is a large contributing factor in my eating disorder. Thankfully I have recovered from the porn addiction. However, the damage is still affecting me.
A few other likely factors in my eating disorder would be: fear of food, due to a messed up digestive system. And a strong desire to have some sense of control over an area of my life.

I also struggle with pretty serious anxiety. Wether that be fear, phobias, panic attacks, etc.
I also struggle with pretty bad social anxiety. This includes things like: feeling physically ill before visitors (no matter how much I love them), fear of what others will think of me in public settings and more.

I also struggle with self harming. Negative body image, depression, and generally low self esteem (and self worth) are contributing factors.

I have also struggled with suicidal thoughts and attempts. Chronic illness is so SO hard, and there have been times where I don’t see or feel much hope.

Lastly, I deal with OCD. Not just wanting organization. But also a fixation on numbers. Everything has to be done a certain number of times or else it feels very incomplete.


I’m going to stop now, but I’ll go into a few of the topics more in depth throughout the week.