I went on a family trip last week. It was eye opening for me. And I began to really see what living with Lyme looks like.
Travelling is really hard on my body, and I have to take things slow. Make more stops, use earplugs, sunglasses, and whatever I can to block stimulants out. By the second night my body had had enough and I had to crawl/hunch rather than walk...not ideal. By the time we arrived at our destination (15+ hours of driving later), I crashed, and didn't really get up until two days later so I could enjoy a few hours on the beach. Even that tired me out. The next day we planned to start the trip home. I'll admit, I was terrified. I didn't want to put my body through all that extra pain again. I ended up flying most of the way home. It increased the pressure in my head, but overall it was a much quicker way of getting home, so I'm glad I chose it.
Lot's of people have been asking whether I enjoyed the trip or not. I have a hard time answering that. I will say this though, I did enjoy seeing my family getting to relax and get a break from the busyness of their lives.
Over the past few weeks my joints have increasingly been getting worse. At first it seemed more gradual, but by this past Sunday I had a really hard time walking (especially noticeable when walking up stairs), and, that evening, out of the blue my wrist started bruising and swelling for no apparent reason. Since then things have gotten worse. I spent all of Monday in bed, and this morning I woke up and couldn't move my right knee. My elbows, wrists, left knee, ankles, and neck joints are really not giving me an easy time either. I had physio this morning. Even my physiotherapist is pretty surprised at how fast things are changing. She's been mainly focusing on working in my neck and head until this point, but hopefully now she can adjust her treatments and work a little bit more on the rest of me too.
My back is getting worse too. And sleep continues to be a really big challenge.
It's increasingly getting harder to get out. I've been in bed most of the time for months now. But lately it's gotten to the point where, the few times I do get out (only for my appoints and a church services here and there), I try things like wearing makeup and putting on smiles to cover how I actually feel. Sometimes it's easier that way. I so badly want to be able to just continue on with life as if nothing happened. But I can't. And now each time I want to go out I have to be willing to face the reality that I will have to pay for it later with increased symptoms.
I apologize that this has been a pretty negative post, but this is the reality of my life at this point. I struggle to understand why my plans, dreams, and jobs have been put on hold. God is really putting me to the test. And I pray I have the strength to keep fighting.
I was encouraged, and will close with the following words:
"God will take care of us. As the old hymn says: “No matter what may be the test, God will take care of you; Lean, weary one upon His breast, God will take care of you.” (God Will Take Care of You, Civilla D. Martin, 1904). I don't know exactly how that care will look. But I know that, as the scripture promises, if we put God's commandments -- love God, love your neighbor as you love yourself -- first, our needs will be provided for, and we will be able to offer this sanctuary, this place of rest, to others for years to come."
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